I SEE YOU ON THE SIDEWALK

YOU SMILE AND SAY HELLO

IT SEEMS LIKE WE COULD BE FRIENDS

BUT YOUR PRIDE WOULD JUST SAY NO

 

THE NEXT DAY AS SCHOOL BEGINS

I WAVE AS I WALK PAST

YOU JUST IGNORE ME

AND TURN AWAY SO FAST

 

IN THE LUNCH ROOM

I SEE YOU LAUGHING AT ME

WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE

TO MAKE YOU BE SO HATEFUL TOWARDS ME

 

CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING

TO THIS FRAGILE HEART OF MINE

DON’T YOU KNOW I’M HUMAN

AND ONE DAY I’LL LOSE MY MIND

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE WORDS YOU’RE GONNA SAY

REALLY SEE THE OTHER PERSON

DON’T JUST PUSH THEM AWAY

 

OUT ON THE PLAYGROUND

I SIT THERE ALL ALONE

DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS HERE

JUST WANNA GO BACK HOME

 

I WATCH THE OTHER KIDS

LAUGHING AND HAVING FUN

I THINK TO MYSELF

IF I ONLY HAD A GUN

 

PUSHING AND SHOVING

AS THE NAME CALLING STARTS

DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THE WORDS YOU SAY

ARE TEARING ME APART

 

DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER

I CAN STAND BEING HERE

SO FULL OF THIS ANGER

YOU HAD BETTER BE IN FEAR

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT YOU WANNA DO

LOOK AT THE OTHER PERSON

BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU

 

ALL OF THE BULLYING

HAS GOT TO STOP

BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE

AND ALL YOU HERE IS “POP POP POP”

 

IT’S THE ONE WHO GETS PICKED ON

THAT CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE

YOU POINT YOUR FINGERS

AND IT STINGS THEM TO THE CORE

 

WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU

THAT YOU NEED TO PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE

IS YOUR HEART SO COVERED IN DARKNESS

THAT YOU CANNOT HEAR YOURSELF

 

WORDS THAT CUT SO DEEPLY

SPREAD AROUND SO QUICK

ECHOING IN THE EARS

THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO STICK

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE PAIN THAT THEY HAVE FELT

LOOK PAST YOUR OWN EMPTINESS

AT THE HAND THEY HAVE BEEN DEALT

 

THEY MAY HAVE NO MONEY

OR COOL SHOES ON THEIR FEET

THEY DON’T REALLY HAVE A HOME

OR ENOUGH FOOD TO EAT

 

JUST LOOKING FOR SOME ACCEPTANCE

INSTEAD OF THE LABEL YOU GIVE

IF THIS GOES ANY FURTHER

I WON’T LET ANY OF YOU LIVE

 

WHEN THE END HAS COME

WITH SO MANY IN TEARS

YOU WILL HAVE REGRETS

AND YOU WILL HAVE FEARS

 

I URGE EVERYONE OF YOU

TO LOOK BEYOND WHAT YOU SEE

LIFE IS SUCH A PRECIOUS GIFT

GOD GAVE TO YOU AND ME

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

LOVE THEM AS GOD LOVES YOU

INSTEAD OF CAUSING SO MUCH STRIFE

 

SO WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE

WHO’S DOWN AND FEELING SAD

PUT YOUR ARM AROUND THEIR SHOULDER

INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM MAD

 

ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE DOING

AND REALLY LISTEN TO THEIR REPLY

INSTEAD OF IGNORING THEIR ANSWER

PAY ATTENTION AND LOOK THEM IN THE EYE

 

THEY ONLY WANT SOMEONE

TO UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON

SO ASK THEM TO BE YOUR FRIEND

BEFORE THEY BECOME TOO FAR GONE

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW

WILL I BE IGNORED AGAIN

OR WILL THEY SAY HELLO

 

WITH REPORTS ON THE NEWS

OF SCHOOL SHOOTINGS ALL AROUND

A BEG YOU TO OPEN YOUR EYES

STOP LOOKING AT THE GROUND

 

LISTEN TO THE STUDENTS

DO SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT’S BEING SAID

I GUARANTEE THIS WILL HURT LESS

THAN HAVING THEM END UP DEAD

 

PARENTS, TEACHERS & STUDENTS

PAY ATTENTION TO EACH AND EVERYONE

TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT

HELP THE VIOLENCE BE DONE

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE LIVES ALREADY LOST

REMEMBER AS YOU LOOK UP

TO SHARE A SMILE, THERE IS NO COST

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT SOMEONE MAY BE GOING THROUGH

INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF THEM

INVITE THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE FAMILIES HURTING NOW

BEFORE YOU PICK ON SOMEONE

JUST TO BE A PART OF THE CROWD

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE THINGS THAT YOU MIGHT DO

IF SOMEONE WAS MAKING YOU ANGRY

WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO SHOOT YOU

 

WRITTEN BY REBA POLAND AKA RJANEPOLAND@WORDPRESS.COM

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STOP AND THINK

 

I SEE YOU ON THE SIDEWALK

YOU SMILE AND SAY HELLO

IT SEEMS LIKE WE COULD BE FRIENDS

BUT YOUR PRIDE WOULD JUST SAY NO

 

THE NEXT DAY AS SCHOOL BEGINS

I WAVE AS I WALK PAST

YOU JUST IGNORE ME

AND TURN AWAY SO FAST

 

IN THE LUNCH ROOM

I SEE YOU LAUGHING AT ME

WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE

TO MAKE YOU BE SO HATEFUL TOWARDS ME

 

CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING

TO THIS FRAGILE HEART OF MINE

DON’T YOU KNOW I’M HUMAN

AND ONE DAY I’LL LOSE MY MIND

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE WORDS YOU’RE GONNA SAY

REALLY SEE THE OTHER PERSON

DON’T JUST PUSH THEM AWAY

 

OUT ON THE PLAYGROUND

I SIT THERE ALL ALONE

DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS HERE

JUST WANNA GO BACK HOME

 

I WATCH THE OTHER KIDS

LAUGHING AND HAVING FUN

I THINK TO MYSELF

IF I ONLY HAD A GUN

 

PUSHING AND SHOVING

AS THE NAME CALLING STARTS

DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THE WORDS YOU SAY

ARE TEARING ME APART

 

DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER

I CAN STAND BEING HERE

SO FULL OF THIS ANGER

YOU HAD BETTER BE IN FEAR

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT YOU WANNA DO

LOOK AT THE OTHER PERSON

BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU

 

ALL OF THE BULLYING

HAS GOT TO STOP

BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE

AND ALL YOU HERE IS “POP POP POP”

 

IT’S THE ONE WHO GETS PICKED ON

THAT CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE

YOU POINT YOUR FINGERS

AND IT STINGS THEM TO THE CORE

 

WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU

THAT YOU NEED TO PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE

IS YOUR HEART SO COVERED IN DARKNESS

THAT YOU CANNOT HEAR YOURSELF

 

WORDS THAT CUT SO DEEPLY

SPREAD AROUND SO QUICK

ECHOING IN THE EARS

THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO STICK

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE PAIN THAT THEY HAVE FELT

LOOK PAST YOUR OWN EMPTINESS

AT THE HAND THEY HAVE BEEN DEALT

 

THEY MAY HAVE NO MONEY

OR COOL SHOES ON THEIR FEET

THEY DON’T REALLY HAVE A HOME

OR ENOUGH FOOD TO EAT

 

JUST LOOKING FOR SOME ACCEPTANCE

INSTEAD OF THE LABEL YOU GIVE

IF THIS GOES ANY FURTHER

I WON’T LET ANY OF YOU LIVE

 

WHEN THE END HAS COME

WITH SO MANY IN TEARS

YOU WILL HAVE REGRETS

AND YOU WILL HAVE FEARS

 

I URGE EVERYONE OF YOU

TO LOOK BEYOND WHAT YOU SEE

LIFE IS SUCH A PRECIOUS GIFT

GOD GAVE TO YOU AND ME

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

LOVE THEM AS GOD LOVES YOU

INSTEAD OF CAUSING SO MUCH STRIFE

 

SO WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE

WHO’S DOWN AND FEELING SAD

PUT YOUR ARM AROUND THEIR SHOULDER

INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM MAD

 

ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE DOING

AND REALLY LISTEN TO THEIR REPLY

INSTEAD OF IGNORING THEIR ANSWER

PAY ATTENTION AND LOOK THEM IN THE EYE

 

THEY ONLY WANT SOMEONE

TO UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON

SO ASK THEM TO BE YOUR FRIEND

BEFORE THEY BECOME TOO FAR GONE

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW

WILL I BE IGNORED AGAIN

OR WILL THEY SAY HELLO

 

WITH REPORTS ON THE NEWS

OF SCHOOL SHOOTINGS ALL AROUND

A BEG YOU TO OPEN YOUR EYES

STOP LOOKING AT THE GROUND

 

LISTEN TO THE STUDENTS

DO SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT’S BEING SAID

I GUARANTEE THIS WILL HURT LESS

THAN HAVING THEM END UP DEAD

 

PARENTS, TEACHERS & STUDENTS

PAY ATTENTION TO EACH AND EVERYONE

TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT

HELP THE VIOLENCE BE DONE

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE LIVES ALREADY LOST

REMEMBER AS YOU LOOK UP

TO SHARE A SMILE, THERE IS NO COST

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHAT SOMEONE MAY BE GOING THROUGH

INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF THEM

INVITE THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE FAMILIES HURTING NOW

BEFORE YOU PICK ON SOMEONE

JUST TO BE A PART OF THE CROWD

 

STOP AND THINK ABOUT

THE THINGS THAT YOU MIGHT DO

IF SOMEONE WAS MAKING YOU ANGRY

WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO SHOOT YOU

 

WRITTEN BY REBA POLAND AKA RJANEPOLAND@WORDPRESS.COM

So I haven’t blogged in a while…..

 

To my readers : Since I haven’t blogged in quite some time I ask that you please be patient with me as I may just ramble on about whatever has been on my mind in the past several months. So many things have taken place that I don’t even know where to begin.

 

At the end of March I sent my 14 year old daughter off to DC and NY without me. She was in good hands as she went with 20 other students and 8 adults.  I admit I got a little teary eyed as I dropped her off at the airport, but I was completely confident that she would be just fine on this trip without me.  My daughter just knew I would sit around crying the whole time she was gone.  She was incorrect about that assumption.  I did just fine……Until the 5th day, when I was a total blubbering idiot because I missed her so much.  After that I was good.

 

When it came time to pick her up at the airport I had decided to bring one of her best friends along as a surprise. We arrived at the airport around 10:45 p.m. on April 5th.  According to the flight tracker on my cell phone the plane was due to arrive at 11:30.  However, there must have been a tailwind pushing them along because they arrived 15 minutes early.  We waited by the baggage claim in anticipation of a text message that the plane had landed.  We sat where we could see the passengers coming down the hall and when we finally recognized the long blonde hair and the bright pink jacket we stood up so she could see us as well.  When she saw us she ran down the hall and jumped into my arms, almost knocking me over.  It was so good to have my baby girl home.  She talked our ears off from the airport to around half way home.  Then there was complete silence from the back seat.  Once we got home she was out.  I didn’t even see her for 3 days.  She pretty much slept the whole time.

 

For Memorial Day weekend we went to spend a few days with a friend in Hermiston. We spent that Saturday riding 4 wheelers at an OHV park way up in the hills.  It was a hot day, so we didn’t sit still for too long.  We were off and riding around 10 a.m.  We stopped around 12:30 and had some lunch and then we kept on riding until around 5 o’clock.  When we got back to Hermiston we changed out of our grubby clothes and cleaned up a bit so we could go out to dinner.  My friend took us to a new sushi place where Cheyenne tried it for the first time.  She suddenly had to go to the bathroom where she no doubt spit it up.  Needless to say she was not impressed with sushi.

 

The next day we got up and went to church and after that we decided to pick up my friends step-brother and go to lunch. We had lunch at one of our favorite places; Red Robin.  After we had gorged ourselves on burgers and fries we decided we should go to a movie.  We went to a theatre where they actually have recliners.  That was a major treat for us as we don’t have a theatre like that where we live, no that I am aware of anyways.  We had a fun filled weekend that ended much too soon.

 

Cheyenne and I actually took a “real” vacation this year that started in the middle of June. Instead of the usual extended weekend I took 11 days away from work and spent some much needed time off with some relatives on the West side of the state.  There were several days when we just lounged around and I was totally ok with that.  We traveled to the peninsula where we visited my niece and two nephews as well.  Time always goes by way too fast when we go see them.  I miss them so much.  My oldest nephew and his girlfriend are talking about moving over to this side of the state.  I have high hopes of this happening so we can see them more often.

 

My Aunt and Uncle took us to a Mariner’s game on “Turn back the clock” night and we received a free Mariner’s (vintage 1977) baseball cap. When we got to our seats we could barely sit down on them as the sun had baked them all day and was still doing so in the heat of the early eve.  After roasting ourselves for around 10 minutes we decided to see if they sold sunblock as we forgot to bring our own.  We were in luck so we all slathered ourselves up in the hopes that the sweat running down our faces wouldn’t soon wash it off.  Despite the fact they had won the 6 previous games, the M’s just couldn’t pull it off that night.  We still enjoyed ourselves though and that’s what really counts.

 

When it came time for me to pack up the car and come home I was definitely not ready for that 5 hour drive back to the hotter side of the state all by myself. I left Cheyenne in Seattle for a week of fun without me while I went back to work.  The drive was good as there wasn’t too much traffic headed east and since I had no one to talk to I decided I would listen to what God had been attempting to tell me for quite some time now.

 

You see, I am a people person. I need time with my friends and when they aren’t around I miss them.  Recently I have been neglecting my relationship with God in order to seek after relationship with people.  I could see this in myself but I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.  I wasn’t ready to ask God’s forgiveness.  I wasn’t ready to admit I was wrong in my selfish behavior.  I wasn’t ready to take the time to reconnect with God on a deeper level yet.  I heard what He was attempting to tell me I was just being stubborn.  Funny thing is God sometimes works in mysterious ways and He will do whatever it takes to get your full attention.

 

Recent events have reminded me that God must be #1 in my life at all times. Sometimes He will allow people to remain distant so a person has no choice but to seek after Him.  Other times He will put something on your heart that helps you to realize you need to be the one to distance yourself from certain people.  I know how important relationships are because we are to bear one another’s burdens and share the love of Christ in fellowship, but a few recent discussions have reminded me to give more attention to God than to my friends.

 

A dear friend of mine gave me a book to read back in March. When I got home with the book I flipped through it and put it on my headboard, where it remained until 2 weeks ago.  I finally decided to remove it from my headboard and look past the cover. As soon as I started to read it I knew it was meant to be read at precisely the moment I had picked it up.  If I had begun to read it in March I am more than sure I wouldn’t have gotten very far and the words on the pages would not have spoken directly to my heart as they have been over the past few weeks.

 

While reading this book I have begun to draw nearer to my Savior than I have been in well over a year and ask His forgiveness for so many things. I have taken a look deep inside my heart at what I have been holding onto and what I need to get rid of once and for all.  I have held onto anger, resentment and past hurts.  I have pulled away from the one true friend who can comfort me like no other.  Instead of relying on Jesus I was relying on my own selfish pride to be able to “fix” what was going on in my heart, my mind and my life. Every little thing would set me off.  My anger grew worse and worse, almost as if my blood was boiling.  Well, turns out my blood pressure is kind of high and my pulse rate while sitting still was 114 bpm.  When I heard that I knew it was time to “settle down” before I have a heart attack or a stroke.  It wasn’t until I decided to take the focus off of myself and my problems that I began to breathe a little deeper and relax.

 

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, but I am doing much better than I have been in the past 8 months. It feels so good to be focusing on Christ and trusting Him with my life again.  It is amazing how different life looks when you seek to see the face of Jesus. When you long to be in His presence this miracle we call life is so much better.  I talk with Him all day long and am in awe of how much calmer of a person I am, how much more relaxed my days are and how I just can’t get enough of Jesus.

 

In closing I would like to recommend the book “FERVENT” by Priscilla Shirer. If you are running from God or just need a reminder of His importance in your everyday life and battles against the enemy I encourage you to pick up this book.  The book reminds us that the enemy is real and we need to fight against him by being prepared with the word of God, the armor of God and the weapon of God’s Promises.  So if you are at all disregarding the “power” the enemy has over you, I urge you to get your hands on this book.  If you think for one moment that the real battle is with your spouse, your siblings, your friends, your co-workers etcetera you need to be in prayer because that is the enemy taunting you and his lies are from the pit of hell.

 

 

 

REBA POLAND AKA RJANEPOLAND@WORDPRESS.COM  ©

 

 

“DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING BY PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION WITH THANKSGIVING LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN TO GOD”. – PHIL 4:6

 

“SUBMIT YOURSELVES THEREFORE TO GOD. RESIST THE DEVIL, AND HE WILL FLEE FROM YOU”. – JAMES 4:7

 

“FOR GOD DID NOT GIVE US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER AND LOVE AND SELF-CONTROL”. –

II TIMOTHY 2:7

 

“THIS IS MY COMFORT IN MY AFFLICTION, THAT YOUR PROMISE GIVES ME LIFE”. – PSALMS 119:50

 

 

So I haven’t blogged in a while…..

 

To my readers : Since I haven’t blogged in quite some time I ask that you please be patient with me as I may just ramble on about whatever has been on my mind in the past several months. So many things have taken place that I don’t even know where to begin.

 

At the end of March I sent my 14 year old daughter off to DC and NY without me. She was in good hands as she went with 20 other students and 8 adults.  I admit I got a little teary eyed as I dropped her off at the airport, but I was completely confident that she would be just fine on this trip without me.  My daughter just knew I would sit around crying the whole time she was gone.  She was incorrect about that assumption.  I did just fine……Until the 5th day, when I was a total blubbering idiot because I missed her so much.  After that I was good.

 

When it came time to pick her up at the airport I had decided to bring one of her best friends along as a surprise. We arrived at the airport around 10:45 p.m. on April 5th.  According to the flight tracker on my cell phone the plane was due to arrive at 11:30.  However, there must have been a tailwind pushing them along because they arrived 15 minutes early.  We waited by the baggage claim in anticipation of a text message that the plane had landed.  We sat where we could see the passengers coming down the hall and when we finally recognized the long blonde hair and the bright pink jacket we stood up so she could see us as well.  When she saw us she ran down the hall and jumped into my arms, almost knocking me over.  It was so good to have my baby girl home.  She talked our ears off from the airport to around half way home.  Then there was complete silence from the back seat.  Once we got home she was out.  I didn’t even see her for 3 days.  She pretty much slept the whole time.

 

For Memorial Day weekend we went to spend a few days with a friend in Hermiston. We spent that Saturday riding 4 wheelers at an OHV park way up in the hills.  It was a hot day, so we didn’t sit still for too long.  We were off and riding around 10 a.m.  We stopped around 12:30 and had some lunch and then we kept on riding until around 5 o’clock.  When we got back to Hermiston we changed out of our grubby clothes and cleaned up a bit so we could go out to dinner.  My friend took us to a new sushi place where Cheyenne tried it for the first time.  She suddenly had to go to the bathroom where she no doubt spit it up.  Needless to say she was not impressed with sushi.

 

The next day we got up and went to church and after that we decided to pick up my friends step-brother and go to lunch. We had lunch at one of our favorite places; Red Robin.  After we had gorged ourselves on burgers and fries we decided we should go to a movie.  We went to a theatre where they actually have recliners.  That was a major treat for us as we don’t have a theatre like that where we live, no that I am aware of anyways.  We had a fun filled weekend that ended much too soon.

 

Cheyenne and I actually took a “real” vacation this year that started in the middle of June. Instead of the usual extended weekend I took 11 days away from work and spent some much needed time off with some relatives on the West side of the state.  There were several days when we just lounged around and I was totally ok with that.  We traveled to the peninsula where we visited my niece and two nephews as well.  Time always goes by way too fast when we go see them.  I miss them so much.  My oldest nephew and his girlfriend are talking about moving over to this side of the state.  I have high hopes of this happening so we can see them more often.

 

My Aunt and Uncle took us to a Mariner’s game on “Turn back the clock” night and we received a free Mariner’s (vintage 1977) baseball cap. When we got to our seats we could barely sit down on them as the sun had baked them all day and was still doing so in the heat of the early eve.  After roasting ourselves for around 10 minutes we decided to see if they sold sunblock as we forgot to bring our own.  We were in luck so we all slathered ourselves up in the hopes that the sweat running down our faces wouldn’t soon wash it off.  Despite the fact they had won the 6 previous games, the M’s just couldn’t pull it off that night.  We still enjoyed ourselves though and that’s what really counts.

 

When it came time for me to pack up the car and come home I was definitely not ready for that 5 hour drive back to the hotter side of the state all by myself. I left Cheyenne in Seattle for a week of fun without me while I went back to work.  The drive was good as there wasn’t too much traffic headed east and since I had no one to talk to I decided I would listen to what God had been attempting to tell me for quite some time now.

 

You see, I am a people person. I need time with my friends and when they aren’t around I miss them.  Recently I have been neglecting my relationship with God in order to seek after relationship with people.  I could see this in myself but I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.  I wasn’t ready to ask God’s forgiveness.  I wasn’t ready to admit I was wrong in my selfish behavior.  I wasn’t ready to take the time to reconnect with God on a deeper level yet.  I heard what He was attempting to tell me I was just being stubborn.  Funny thing is God sometimes works in mysterious ways and He will do whatever it takes to get your full attention.

 

Recent events have reminded me that God must be #1 in my life at all times. Sometimes He will allow people to remain distant so a person has no choice but to seek after Him.  Other times He will put something on your heart that helps you to realize you need to be the one to distance yourself from certain people.  I know how important relationships are because we are to bear one another’s burdens and share the love of Christ in fellowship, but a few recent discussions have reminded me to give more attention to God than to my friends.

 

A dear friend of mine gave me a book to read back in March. When I got home with the book I flipped through it and put it on my headboard, where it remained until 2 weeks ago.  I finally decided to remove it from my headboard and look past the cover. As soon as I started to read it I knew it was meant to be read at precisely the moment I had picked it up.  If I had begun to read it in March I am more than sure I wouldn’t have gotten very far and the words on the pages would not have spoken directly to my heart as they have been over the past few weeks.

 

While reading this book I have begun to draw nearer to my Savior than I have been in well over a year and ask His forgiveness for so many things. I have taken a look deep inside my heart at what I have been holding onto and what I need to get rid of once and for all.  I have held onto anger, resentment and past hurts.  I have pulled away from the one true friend who can comfort me like no other.  Instead of relying on Jesus I was relying on my own selfish pride to be able to “fix” what was going on in my heart, my mind and my life. Every little thing would set me off.  My anger grew worse and worse, almost as if my blood was boiling.  Well, turns out my blood pressure is kind of high and my pulse rate while sitting still was 114 bpm.  When I heard that I knew it was time to “settle down” before I have a heart attack or a stroke.  It wasn’t until I decided to take the focus off of myself and my problems that I began to breathe a little deeper and relax.

 

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, but I am doing much better than I have been in the past 8 months. It feels so good to be focusing on Christ and trusting Him with my life again.  It is amazing how different life looks when you seek to see the face of Jesus. When you long to be in His presence this miracle we call life is so much better.  I talk with Him all day long and am in awe of how much calmer of a person I am, how much more relaxed my days are and how I just can’t get enough of Jesus.

 

In closing I would like to recommend the book “FERVENT” by Priscilla Shirer. If you are running from God or just need a reminder of His importance in your everyday life and battles against the enemy I encourage you to pick up this book.  The book reminds us that the enemy is real and we need to fight against him by being prepared with the word of God, the armor of God and the weapon of God’s Promises.  So if you are at all disregarding the “power” the enemy has over you, I urge you to get your hands on this book.  If you think for one moment that the real battle is with your spouse, your siblings, your friends, your co-workers etcetera you need to be in prayer because that is the enemy taunting you and his lies are from the pit of hell.

 

 

 

REBA POLAND AKA RJANEPOLAND@WORDPRESS.COM  ©

 

 

“DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING BY PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION WITH THANKSGIVING LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN TO GOD”. – PHIL 4:6

 

“SUBMIT YOURSELVES THEREFORE TO GOD. RESIST THE DEVIL, AND HE WILL FLEE FROM YOU”. – JAMES 4:7

 

“FOR GOD DID NOT GIVE US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER AND LOVE AND SELF-CONTROL”. –

II TIMOTHY 2:7

 

“THIS IS MY COMFORT IN MY AFFLICTION, THAT YOUR PROMISE GIVES ME LIFE”. – PSALMS 119:50

 

 

GOD’S LOVE: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS

 

 

WHEN WE GATHER TOGETHER

IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY

CALLING OUT TO OUR FATHER

ASKING ONLY FOR HIS MERCY

 

WHEN WE RAISE OUR HANDS

TO GLORIFY YOUR NAME

SINGING AS WE WORSHIP YOU

AND ALL YOUR HOLY WAYS

 

WHEN WE GIVE IT ALL TO OUR GOD

AND HOLD NOTHING BACK FROM HIM

THIS IS WHAT GOD’S LOVE LOOKS LIKE

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS

 

WHEN WE ARE WILLING

TO SACRAFICE OUR TIME

TO BE THERE FOR SOMEONE

PUTTING OUR OWN NEEDS BEHIND

 

WHEN WE GET ON OUR KNEES

AND PRAY FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S NEEDS

HOPING AGAINST THE OUTCOME

AS WE PRAY THROUGH GRITTED TEETH

 

WHEN WE PUT OTHERS FIRST

AND GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO HIM

THIS IS WHAT GOD’S LOVE LOOKS LIKE

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS

 

WHEN WE CLOSE OUR EYES

AND SEEK AFTER HIS FACE

HOLDING ONTO THE PROMISE

OF HIS LOVE AND HIS GRACE

 

 

WHEN WE SHUT OUT THE WORLD

AND LISTEN TO HIM WHISPER IN OUR EAR

HE SPEAKS TO OUR YEARNING HEARTS

AND IN LOVE WE BEGIN TO HEAR

 

WHEN WE PUT HIM IN FIRST PLACE

AND REFLECT ON WHAT IS WITHIN’

THIS IS WHAT GOD’S LOVE LOOKS LIKE

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS

 

WHEN WE READ AND BELIEVE

THE WORDS HE SPOKE SO TRUE

THERE IS A HOPE THAT COMES ALIVE

LIKE NOTHING WE EVER KNEW

 

WHEN THAT FRIEND CALLS SO LATE

AND ALL WE WANNA DO IS SLEEP

INSTEAD WE RUSH TO THEIR SIDE

AND HOLD THEIR HAND AS THEY WEEP

 

WHEN THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO

BUT HAND OUR WORRIES OVER TO HIM

THIS IS WHAT GOD’S LOVE LOOKS LIKE

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS

 

WHEN HE TOOK ON HUMAN FORM

AND WALKED UPON THE EARTH

HE STRUGGLED AGAINST HIS FLESH

FOR ALL THAT IT WAS WORTH

 

WHEN HE CHOSE ONLY A FEW TO LEAD

FOR SOON HE WOULD GO AWAY

HE TOUCHED THE HEARTS OF MANY

ON THE CROSS THAT GLORIOUS DAY

 

WHEN HIS BLOOD WAS SHED FOR US

AS HE TOOK ONE LAST BREATH IN

THIS IS WHAT GOD’S LOVE LOOKS LIKE

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING IT IS.

 

WRITTEN BY REBA POLAND AKA R. JANE POLAND @WORDPRESS.COM

TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

 

 

 NO MATTER HOW I LOVED

YOU KEPT PUSHING ME AWAY

NOW I WEEP IN MY SADNESS

WE HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY

 

JEALOUSY AND ANGER CREPT IN

AND STAYED INSIDE MY HEART

I CHOSE TO SPEAK THE WORDS

THAT WOULD COME TO TEAR US APART

 

I STILL SEE YOU EVERYDAY

BUT MY PAIN YOU WILL NEVER KNOW

HOLDING ONTO ALL OF MY REGRETS

IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

 

I CHOSE TO TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED

AND IN FAITH I TRUSTED YOU

SAYING WHAT I’VE FELT FOR SOME TIME

HOPING YOU WOULD PROVE TO BE TRUE

 

IN A MOMENT OF DESPERATION

YOU REPEATED TO SOMEONE ELSE

WHAT I TOLD YOU IN CONFIDENCE

IN ORDER TO SAVE YOURSELF

 

NOW THERE IS A WAR BETWEEN US

ON THIN ICE AS WE LEARN TO TIPTOE

WITH ONLY A SMILE BETWEEN US

IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

 

WISH I COULD TAKE BACK

THE WORDS I SPOKE SO CRUEL

NOW MY HEART IS BREAKING

BECAUSE I ACTED LIKE A FOOL

 

CAN’T DECIDE WHAT HURTS MORE

THE DECEIT I’M FEELING INSIDE

IS IT THE PAIN OF LETTING GO

OR THE EMPTINESS OF MY MIND

 

HOLDING MY TEARS BACK

AS NOW YOU’VE BECOME A FOE

CAN’T LET YOU SEE MY MISERY

IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

 

YOUR HEART SO EASILY REMOVED

FROM WHAT USED TO BE SO NICE

SO EASY FOR YOU TO LET GO

YOU DON’T NEED TO THINK TWICE

 

YOU MAKE BE BELIEVE I’M THE ONLY ONE

WHO DESERVES TO FEEL SOME SHAME

AS IF YOU ARE THE INNOCENT ONE

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS HURTFUL GAME

 

YOU PLAYED A PART IN ALL OF THIS

YET ANY GUILT FELT YOU FORGO

THEREFORE THIS FRIENDSHIP IS OVER

IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

 

WHILE I SUFFER IN MY BROKEN HEART

YOU CONTINUE ON WITH YOUR DAY

SMILING AND LAUGHING WITH OTHERS

ALL THE WHILE STILL KEEPING ME AT BAY

 

YES IT’S TRUE I CRY EVERY NIGHT

AT THE THOUGHT OF LOSING YOU

BUT AS I SEEK MY ONE TRUE FRIEND

THE DAYS I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH

 

SO I GUESS IT’S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT I KNOW

FOR NOW AND FOREVER I’M AFRAID

IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY HELLO

R. Jane Poland ©

Depression, Anxiety, Drama, Trust and so much more

 

 

 

Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs your way from time to time and sometimes those curveballs spiral out of control.   The past few months of my life have been more like a tornado than a silly little curveball.  In the midst of the darkness depression can bring, I have found there to also be a bit of drama and anxiety as well.  This in turn tends to create a rollercoaster of emotions; Sending one’s heart into a vicious cycle of being extremely needy one minute to pushing people away the next.  It’s almost as if your brain shuts down and no matter what you say or do it is going to hurt someone, which in turn ends up hurting you even more.  Let me fill you in on some of the things that have been going on in my heart and mind as they are not currently in a good place.

 

For nearly 13 years now I have been struggling with depression. It comes and goes with whatever current circumstances are happing in my life.  I tend to get really sad over my financial status as well as friendship issues and drama’s.  When I get lost in my dark world of what seems to be a never ending sadness, it not only affects me emotionally, It also creeps itself into my body and makes me ill in one form or another.  For around 4 months now, I have been experiencing some terrible headaches.  I have been to the doctor several times in search of some answers as to why this “abnormal” headache is appearing repeatedly with zero relief.  I even went as far as having an MRI to get some resolve.  The MRI came out normal, I have tried a few different medications and I still have no answers or full relief.  I have sought relief by seeing a chiropractor and a massage therapist, only to receive a little bit of relief for a very short period of time.

 

Having found no answers as to the cause of these almost constant headaches, I did what any normal person would do; I jumped right on the internet. I have done a lot of research and the only reason I am not completely convinced that I am dying from a brain tumor or viral meningitis is I have already had an MRI.  Although the MRI came out clear I am still somewhat convinced there is something terribly wrong that is causing me to have such painful headaches.  I am still doing research and will be changing some daily habits in order to receive some relief.  I will be adding some vitamins to my daily routine and well as seeking to have peace in my daily life.  I will also be getting back to the gym, not only to get my physical activity to a better level, but also so I don’t just sit around moping about what I would consider to be my less than perfect life.

 

Now, let me get back to the subject of depression. As you may or may not know depression is not something that you can just get over.  For myself, it drags me down a gravel road of love, hate, frustration, drama, rejection etc. and I end up scratched and bruised as I go down the same old familiar beaten path of emotions over and over again.  When I reach what I would consider to be the end of the road, I feel as though I have been left in a puddle of tears caused by my own breaking heart.  I say this because some questions arise that I find I don’t know the answers to.  Questions such as these: How much of this pain have I actually brought on to myself?  What can I do to make myself feel better?  Am I really the terrible person people are telling me I am? Are things really as bad as I make them out to be?  Where is the line drawn between what I am told to be true about myself and the actual truth I am to believe?

 

To go along with the painful headaches I have had over the past several months I have also experienced some radical emotional ups and downs. Although there are several reasons for this, I do believe the most prevalent one being an attack from the enemy.  I say this not only because I am a Christ follower, but also because I am in the middle of a very deep book study about putting on the Armor of God.  I know the enemy does not want unity and will do whatever it takes to weasel his way into the hearts and minds of believers in order to cause division.  I fully believe this is what has been taking place in my life.  I am under an attack and with the fragile state of mind and not so good physical health that has already been taking place, this is the perfect opportunity for the enemy to “kick me while I am down” and keep me from seeking after God.

 

Sometimes when things are going on in your life that cause you to become stressed you can’t always see how you are living your own life until someone else actually points out the harsh reality of how you have been acting and treating others. I for one happen to be a “teachable” person so I appreciate it when the people in my life are brutally honest, as this is usually the only way I learn from my mistakes and change my ways. However, if the damage has already been done others might not be forgiving and you have to live with the consequences of my hurtful words and actions.  I heard it said that “The first step towards recovery is to take responsibility for your part in what took place”.  Although I have done this in one particular incident, it is too late.  The damage has already been done and the other two people who were involved have chosen not to forgive me.  Now it is I who will suffer from the consequences.  This has only added to my frustration, anxiety and depression.  I have done what I can in attempt to resolve the situation so that it ends peacefully, but I am the only one willing to participate in any kind of reconciliation. I can point out the faults of others but I am only responsible for my own.  I cannot force people to forgive me. I can’t ask that others be teachable.  I can live and learn and move on as I accept responsibility for what I have done.  I can now move forward in search of my Savior instead of making these people the main topic on my mind.  Yes, my heart is breaking as both of these people have chosen to remove me from their lives, but this is (mostly) due to my own selfishness.  I do still love them and hope one day they too will be teachable and see the error of their own ways and how their participation in this drama has affected all of our lives.

 

With all of the drama that has occurred in my life over the past several days, months and years I have “learned” to wrap myself in a bubble of protection and not let people in. I pretend to be cold, non-caring person as a form of protection upon my heart.  When someone does show genuine care and concern the brick wall goes up and I start pushing them away.   I follow my head in lieu of my heart and I get defensive.  After all, if I do let them care about me I might start to love them and that can lead to nothing but a broken heart.  This lack of trust comes from many years of being deceived by those who I have chosen to let into my heart and assumed were trustworthy.  Let me just put a warning label on (some) people; Just because they say you can trust them doesn’t mean you can or should.  I for one will only trust my dog and God with any further secrets I may have in my life.  I will trust my dog because she is unable to speak and I trust God because He is the only one who will truly understand what I am going through and forgive me for my mistakes.

 

Along with depression also comes anxiety. I have actually been dealing with anxiety a lot longer than I have depression.  I believe my anxiety started at a fairly young age.  Although most of the time my anxiety attacks occur in the middle of the night, I have been known to have some occasional anxiety during the day, especially if I am in a large crowd.  The daytime anxiety is not the same as the middle of the night attacks. I guess the easiest way to explain the night time anxiety is that I do not like silence.  When I happen to wake up during the most quiet time of the night (This generally being between the hours of 1-4 a.m.) I tend to panic at the sound of the silence.  My heart races and I am afraid to get out of my bed.  When I experience anxiety during the day I tend to bite my lips or squeeze my fingers together in order to deal with whatever happens to be “freaking me out” at the moment.

 

Some very dramatic things have happened this week that will have a profound impact on my life. I was witness to something terrible, someone I love and trusted let me down and let me go, another whom is not teachable let me go, someone I least expected to showed up and prayed with me and a very sweet man sent me flowers at work.  It’s “funny” how when you are feeling down who actually “comes out of the woodwork” and lets you know how much they care.  Yes, I am still depressed.  Yes, I did lose 2 friends.  Yes, I am guilty of saying some things I shouldn’t have.  But I am also taking responsibility (owning up to) the things I have said and the way I have treated others.  I did my part and apologized.  I am willing to face the hurt that will take some time to get over.  I am willing to let these less than Godly people walk out of my life and experience a little bit of pain, so that I can move on into the life God has planned for me.  I feel so lucky to have so many God loving people in my life.  People who truly know how to love and aren’t afraid to express it,  People who will let me extend the hand of God’s love without being afraid that I might have too many expectations, People who will do and say things to help my journey towards my savior rather than lead me away from Him.

 

So I end this blog on a positive note. Throughout my battle with depression I am willing to look for the lovely in everything and everyone.  I may get hurt, but in the end I know God has a plan for me and that plan doesn’t include the people who choose not to be a part of my life.  In the end I would rather hold on to the one who died for me rather than the people who choose to deceive me.  In what is currently a very dark part of my life, I ask that you please pray for me.  Depression is not a fun place to be.  It is not something you can just snap out of.  Depression (especially when one is hurting with some fresh wounds) is not something that just goes away.  I also ask that if you know someone who is experiencing depression that you please reach out to them and let them know of their importance, their worth, their value and how much you love them.  I guarantee that even if they seem to be pushing you away they are really dying on the inside and crying for your help.

 

R JANE POLAND ©